Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
