i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You're breaking my sexual little heart
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
