do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You may now shotgun with the bride
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
