god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
it's great music for shaving your balls
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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