Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We're too hungover to prance.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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