careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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