Acid is not a monday night drug
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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