dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
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I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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