Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
