I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize