Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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