I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
