My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
