just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
