How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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