literally had 100 drinks last night.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
