1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
