Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
