Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
