halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
