Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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