If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
