I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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