And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
