You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
