Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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