She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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