I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
