i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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