He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize