Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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