sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
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While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
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you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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