If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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