Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
