if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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