You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
