My boss' voice literally gives me gas
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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