How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
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i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
3 2 1 whiskey
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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