i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
