The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
