True but thats because hes a fetus.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
