I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
