Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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