You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We're too hungover to prance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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