Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
