How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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