You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
