he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
