Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
