we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
