so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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