We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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