my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
