yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
