ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
