If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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