My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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