My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
