you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
