your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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