Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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