So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
