you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I checked into jail on foursquare
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
