woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
