I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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