I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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