I hate all girls vehemently.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
