you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
