im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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