all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
