I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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