I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
