so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
