We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It all started with a game of naked twister.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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