Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
