he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
jump out the window naked night went bad
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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