Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
