My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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