bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
they need to just BURY HIM!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
