Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
