this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
