people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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